Beating The Stuffing Out Of Thanksgiving

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Editor Note: A prior version of this column was distributed by Cagle Cartoons in 2011.

This year I can’t think of Thanksgiving without thinking of Barry Manilow’s melancholy song “Tryin’ To Get The Feeling Again.”

Google news items about “Thanksgiving,” and amidst the tofu turkey recipes and 2017 versus 2018 price comparisons, you’ll find a growing number of stories about (a) Christmas decorations popping up before Halloween, (b) Thanksgiving getting lost in the holiday shuffle and (c) traditionalists denouncing the encroachment of “Black Friday” sales onto Thanksgiving Day.

As both a Christian and someone who knows which side his bread is buttered on (retailers DO pay the bills at the newspapers carrying my column, of course), I can see both sides of the holiday desecration issue.

I believe the merchants when they insist that they take pains not to intrude upon the family time or spiritual activities of their employees. I try to ignore the scurrilous rumors that the retailers have asked thatthe Rapture be abbreviated to allow more time for showcasing housewares and linens.

I sort of pity the “big box” stores that try to obtain a competitive edge by rushing the Christmas selling season. It’s just a Band-Aid. Once we eventually reach the cherished goal of promoting Christmas 365 days a year, they’ll have nowhere else to expand. They’ll finally have to compete by having the best products and service, or settle for being Number 2 (or lower).

Traditionalists, let’s not pretend that commercialism is something new. The Pilgrims represented a minority of the passengers aboard the Mayflower; most of the passengers were just out to exploit the New World. Currier & Ives did not produce their prints on a pro bono basis. The “traditional” Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade obviously has ulterior motives. Thanksgiving hosts have never been shy about showing off their material wealth to poorer relations.

I am glad that Abraham Lincoln instituted a national day of thanks, even though the United States somehow got by without one for the first 88 years of its existence. And let’s step back for a moment and put some perspective on the things we do on Thanksgiving. After a perfunctory prayer, we eat the bird that Benjamin Franklin championed as the national symbol, we talk behind the backs of the cousins who chose to spend the day with their in-laws instead of blood kin and we watch millionaires playing football.

I can empathize with those who have to work on Thanksgiving. My high school job in a convenience market required me to work every Saturday, Sunday, and holiday. Yes, I ate a lot of leftovers and missed a few hugs from my grandmother, but there were pluses. I came to the rescue of absent-minded shoppers who needed last-minute items, I saved money for my college education and I learned to appreciate the time I do have with family.

As in the days of the Plymouth celebration and the Civil War, Thanksgiving is not about a picture-perfect world. It’s about taking life warts and all and still finding enough of the positive to offer heartfelt gratitude to the Creator (or whomever you credit with the good things in your life).

This Thanksgiving roll with the punches, make new traditions, forge new bonds and savor every second you DO get to spend with the ones you love.

Copyright 2018 Danny Tyree. Danny welcomes reader e-mail responses at [email protected] and visits to his Facebook fan page “Tyree’s Tyrades”. Danny’s’ weekly column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons Inc. newspaper syndicate.

Controversial author Harlan Ellison once described the work of Danny Tyree as "wonkily extrapolative" and said Tyree's mind "works like a demented cuckoo clock."

Ellison was speaking primarily of Tyree’s 1983-2000 stint on the "Dan T’s Inferno" column for “Comics Buyer’s Guide” hobby magazine, but the description would also fit his weekly "Tyree’s Tyrades" column for mainstream newspapers.

Inspired by Dave Barry, Al "Li'l Abner" Capp, Lewis Grizzard, David Letterman, and "Saturday Night Live," "Tyree's Tyrades" has been taking a humorous look at politics and popular culture since 1998.

Tyree has written on topics as varied as Rent-A-Friend.com, the Lincoln bicentennial, "Woodstock At 40," worm ranching, the Vatican conference on extraterrestrials, violent video games, synthetic meat, the decline of soap operas, robotic soldiers, the nation's first marijuana café, Sen. Joe Wilson’s "You lie!" outburst at President Obama, Internet addiction, "Is marriage obsolete?," electronic cigarettes, 8-minute sermons, early puberty, the Civil War sesquicentennial, Arizona's immigration law, the 50th anniversary of the Andy Griffith Show, armed teachers, "Are women smarter than men?," Archie Andrews' proposal to Veronica, 2012 and the Mayan calendar, ACLU school lawsuits, cutbacks at ABC News, and the 30th anniversary of the death of John Lennon.

Tyree generated a particular buzz on the Internet with his column spoofing real-life Christian nudist camps.

Most of the editors carrying "Tyree’s Tyrades" keep it firmly in place on the opinion page, but the column is very versatile. It can also anchor the lifestyles section or float throughout the paper.

Nancy Brewer, assistant editor of the "Lawrence County (TN) Advocate" says she "really appreciates" what Tyree contributes to the paper. Tyree has appeared in Tennesee newspapers continuously since 1998.

Tyree is a lifelong small-town southerner. He graduated from Middle Tennessee State University in 1982 with a bachelor's degree in Mass Communications. In addition to writing the weekly "Tyree’s Tyrades," he writes freelance articles for MegaBucks Marketing of Elkhart, Indiana.

Tyree wears many hats (but still falls back on that lame comb-over). He is a warehousing and communications specialist for his hometown farmers cooperative, a church deacon, a comic book collector, a husband (wife Melissa is a college biology teacher), and a late-in-life father. (Six-year-old son Gideon frequently pops up in the columns.)

Bringing the formerly self-syndicated "Tyree's Tyrades" to Cagle Cartoons is part of Tyree's mid-life crisis master plan. Look for things to get even crazier if you use his columns.

Danny Tyree welcomes e-mail at [email protected].