Help Needed

Next week’s news: Calling him “the right man at the right time,” President Obama today named Gen. David H. Petraeus commander of all U.S. operations in the Gulf of Mexico. Mr. Obama acknowledged that efforts to stop the Deepwater Horizon spill are “bigger than any one person,” yet expressed confidence that Petraeus could single-handedly win the war against oil in the Gulf.

Cartoon by Daryl Cagle - msnbc.com (click to reprint)

Cartoon by Daryl Cagle - msnbc.com (click to reprint)

Subscribers Only Content

High resolution image downloads are available to subscribers only.


Not a subscriber? Try one of the following options:

OUR SERVICES VISIT CAGLE.COM

FREE TRIAL

Get A Free 30 Day Trial.

No Obligation. No Automatic Rebilling. No Risk.

Reaction came swiftly from Sen. John McCain, who said, “had Gen. Petraeus been in charge of Gulf operations from the start, the spill might never have happened in the first place.”

Next month’s news: Expressing dismay at the Senate vote rejecting Elena Kagan’s bid to join the Supreme Court, President Obama today nominated Gen. David H. Petraeus as the Court’s next Associate Justice. “The Supreme Court is bigger than any one Justice,” the president told reporters. “I have complete confidence that Gen. Petraeus will help guide our nation in the war against bad laws.”

In a hastily called news conference, Sen. John McCain applauded the nomination, adding, “I believe Gen. Petraeus will be confirmed with record speed, perhaps even during a coffee break. We’ve seen this man, and we like what we see.”

Rarely has an individual won such unanimous praise among Republicans and Democrats ““ especially at a time when the two parties can’t seem to agree on anything or anyone. It is therefore smart strategy for the president to seek nominees who: (a) have rousing GOP support, (b) will be quickly confirmed, and (c) won’t make the White House look bad if they fail, thanks to (a) and (b).

Regrettably, there don’t seem to be many candidates with these qualifications who aren’t named Gen. David H. Patraeus, which explains why the president turned to him after Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal went all Rolling Stone and revealed that when it comes to loyalty he’s one fry short of a happy meal.

Mr. Obama should immediately rank all members of his administration according to confirmability, and then nominate everyone with a passing grade for as many positions as possible. The list currently consists of: Gen. David H. Patraeus, Sec. of State Hillary Clinton, First Lady Michelle Obama, and Bo, the Obama’s Portuguese Water dog.

Clinton is the only female Democrat whom Republicans seem to swoon over almost as much as Sarah Palin, although the reasons remain unclear. It may be that Clinton is seen as the most electable Democrat on the national scene, which is why Republicans would speedily confirm her for any non-elective office ““ preferably a lifetime position.

Gen. Petraeus, meanwhile, continues to demonstrate his mastery of the Capitol Hill interview process. Just a few weeks ago he avoided a tough question at a Senate hearing by fainting in his chair. He later claimed to have been dehydrated due to heat, yet it’s unlikely that any senator will ask him at his next confirmation hearing if he realizes that Afghanistan’s temperature averages 117 degrees, even inside taverns where Gen. McChrystal used to hang.

Michelle Obama now has an approval rating 13 points higher than her husband, according to Pew Research, and she has already proved herself to be more than capable in waging war against gophers in the White House garden.

Bo, too, has maintained a low profile despite a seemingly endless run of bad news at the White House, and clearly deserves more responsibility.

The president must take decisive action before it’s too late.

Next year’s news: After thanking Joe Biden for his service to the nation, President Obama today named Gen. David H. Patraeus to be his running mate in the 2012 election. “Governing the nation is a job too big for any one person,” said the president. “Gen. Petraeus is the right man to help win the war against those forces who might vote against me.”

John McCain was not available for comment.

—–

Peter Funt writes about newspapers at: www.FuntonFronts.com and can be reached at www.candidcamera.com.

©2010 Peter Funt. This column is distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons, Inc. newspaper syndicate. For info call Cari Dawson Bartley at 800 696 7561 or e-mail [email protected].

Peter Funt is a writer and public speaker. He’s also the long-time host of “Candid Camera.” A collection of his DVDs is available at www.candidcamera.com.

In print and on television, Peter Funt continues the Funt Family tradition of making people smile – while examining the human condition.

After 15 years hosting the landmark TV series “Candid Camera,” Peter writes frequent op-eds for The Boston Globe and The Wall Street Journal.

Peter is a frequent speaker before business groups and on college campuses, using the vast “Candid Camera” library to bring his points to life. His newest presentation for corporate audiences, “The Candid You,” draws upon decades of people-watching to identify factors that promote better communication and productivity.

In addition to his hidden-camera work, Peter Funt has produced and hosted TV specials on the Arts & Entertainment and Lifetime cable networks. He also spent five years as an editor and reporter with ABC News in New York.

Earlier in his career, Peter wrote dozens of articles for The New York Times and TV Guide about television and film. He was editor and publisher of the television magazine On Cable. And he authored the book "Gotcha!" for Grosset & Dunlap on the lost art of practical joking.